This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
