Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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