Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
