Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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