Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize