Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
