u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
