there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
