a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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