May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
