My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
