my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
