i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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