Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
