how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
