Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize