It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
