I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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