overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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