I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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