Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
