So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
