I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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