So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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