That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
