I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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