Buhtt sex?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
