I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
