I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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