I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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