I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
