my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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