I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
