Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
