You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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