I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
