I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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