Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
