Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
