The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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