I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
