last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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