so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
