6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
