I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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