My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
