Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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