Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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