you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
