You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
