I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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