"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
