my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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