i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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