why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
