That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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