my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
