remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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