I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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