I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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