You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
